Seth Harwood's Jack Palms II Podiobook

As if to show me I'm wrong about my last post (see below, bunnykins), I heard a portion of a new podiobook by Seth Harwood, Jack Palms II on Podcast411 episode something. Seth does a good job of doing two things: one, reading and two, writing. A lot of people who read are either overblown Dramatic with a capital D or monotone; Seth is neither. He hit it quite nicely in the middle. He also used special effects but only as necessary. He didn't go overboard. And the writing, for the most part, held my attention which, of course, is the point. There were a couple of points where I grimaced at a forced transition or two but generally really good. On Podcast411, we hear an interview with Seth and a 15-minute clip teaser of Jack Palms II which is scheduled to be put up on Seth's podcast starting June 3rd. The 15-minute portion on Podcast411 leaves us with a cliffhanger but that was to be expected. (Ah, got it, episode 203 of Podcast411. Two hundred shows? That's incredible, eh?)

This is all to say that Seth's podcast came across as a good old fashioned radio drama minus a lot of overdramatic music but without the different voices for all the parts; Seth reads all the characters himself with one exception.

This is also to say that I realized why a lot of the crime dramas on old radio shows were told in the first person. First, because that was the way crime novels (hard-boiled, Chandler, Hammett,- two Ms, two Ts - and pulp fiction) were written - Think Bogart in the Maltese Falcon. And because it sounds more like the character talking to you instead of someone reading to you or pretending to read to you. That said, I think I'm going to check out Seth's serialized audiobook.

In the next post on this blog I'm going to talk about a podcast called Behind the Black Mask, which looks like interviews with several pulp/crime/detective novelists. Should or could be interesting. (By the same people who do a podcast on film noir called Out of the Past.)

Eat in Peace.

Why Film Noir Is Like an AudioBook

AudioBooks are like old time radio dramas (see post below) and the film noir movies of the 40s and 50s were like the old time radio dramas (except with pictures.) So, I guess it stands to reason that those great old movies - White Heat springs to mind immediately: - "I'm on top of the world, ma! On top of the world!" - were what audiocasts, audiobooks, dramacasts want to be and, I hope, will be someday. I'd love to plug an earbud in and be swept away into a radio noir drama. (There's a singer who should be in a film noir movie, let me think of her name..... hold on....Got it: Bernadette Seacrest.)

What are the characteristics of a film noir film you ask: read on, my precious one.

• Cigarettes - everyone smokes, lots of smoke in the air bouncing off lights and fedoras.
• Fedoras - everyone wears a hat. To keep the smoke out of their eyes?
• Underdeveloped femme fatales - I'm not taking body parts, I'm talking characterisation, as in, one-dimensional female roles.
• Twists and convoluted plots - who to trust, who to trust?
• Flashbacks and Flash-forwards - the story is often told in a non-linear (remember Tarantino's Resevoir Dogs? Pure film noir except for the babes, lighting, ... okay. Nevermind.)
• Morally ambiguous - the good guy has bad traits, the bad guy has good traits; both try to live up to their own moral code; too bad sometimes it involves knocking someone else off occasionally.
• Voice-over narration - considered a weakness by modern day screenwriting gurus, voice-over narration is deriguer in film noir.
• No Hollywood ending - everyone loses, nobody wins,
• Banter. Lots of witty, clever banter. Lots of good one-liners. For all of film noir's negativity, there's a lot of humor in the banter. Love banter. Banter is my life. Banter like this:

You know you don't have to act with me, Steve. You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and... blow

Bacall to Bogart in To Have and To Have Not (1944)

Bacall was 19, Bogart was 45 and the next year they got married. Altogether they were in four movies together, all film noir: To Have and To Have Not, The Big Sleep (1946), Dark Passage (1947), and Key Largo (1948). Who can argue with a film style that produced not only the romance of the century (the last one - century, I mean) but also those four great flicks? Hmmm? Can you, punk? Well, do ya, punk? Do you feel lucky? (now, who said that?)

The whole point of this post is to make the following dare to myself: I'm going to attempt to write a film noir screenplay. I don't have a plot but I've got a title: Die Me a Genealogist. Pretty classy, eh? Picture the young Robert Mitchum embracing the young Gloria Stuart (the old lady in Cameron's Titanic) on a drizzly San Francisco street, over there, near the docks, a little bit away from the tourists, in the shadow of that empty warehouse. I only hope I can banter well.

Go in Peace, my lovely little ones, and fear no boogeyman.

Is Old Time Radio the New AudioBook, er...

Listening to a few audio books/audiocasts/drama on a podcast and am immediately reminded of what I used to do late Sunday night growing up in the metropolis of Olympia, Washington. Sunday night the local radio station used to broadcast radio dramas; murder mysteries mostly with cool sound effects, dramatic readings and eerie music. I loved 'em. Even as a small nerd with no appreciable social skills, I enjoyed the audio picture that they painted. A creaky door opens, footsteps, a male voice hushing someone, a gasp.. Cue the Intro Music. Loved 'em. Listened to them in the kitchen next to the speaker that was connected to the radio in the front room because nobody else wanted to listen. You can't, or at least I couldn't, listen to a radio drama and do anything else like read or watch TV or do my homework; talk with your parents. You had to Listen to the Drama.

My parents kind of laughed at me because many of the radio dramas I was listening to were the ones they listened to when they were young and radio dramas were the TV shows of the day.

Now there are audio podcasts that, rather then be a boring person talk about their life - wow, how exciting - are radio dramas. Except without the good sound effects. But with (sometimes) cool music. One thing I noticed, though, were the podcast dramas were mostly told by one person: a narrator. And sometimes a friend would drop in to add an additional voice, especially if the podcaster were male and needed a female voice.

So the question of the day is, Are AudioNovels the New Old Time Radio Dramas? (Of course they are, what kind of a question is that? But so far they're not as good, in my nimble opinion, but then my memory is probably playing tricks on me and making me think those old radio dramas were pretty good when in fact they sucked.)

Some audionovellas include: PodioBooks, Barfly, and Murder By Design. Among a rack of others. (If you noticed that Scott Sigler is not on the list, well, you noticed so you know about him. If you don't know about him and his audio empire, google him or traipse on over to PodioBooks and try to avoid his name.) And the ultimately famous librivox which has books swept from the public domain and read by a whole host of real people. You can listen to a person read Don Quixote to you, if you wish.

In any case, please enjoy your healthy eating habits, enjoy the new old time radio dramas and let me know if you know of any other audio novellas that I should be listening to. (For the record, I'm not a big fan of fantasy, science fiction, or fan fiction. Why? I guess I read too much of it when I was young.)

Peace, my little lambchops. Live Long and Prosper.

Is Videocasting the New Podcasting?

Recently a billion people more or less have started videoblogs, videocasts, Youtubecasts, or whatever they may end up being called: a video online made by people like you and me. Well, not exactly like you and me. There be some sick puppies out there. (See here.)

But my question is, is making a videocast going to be the new podcast and will videocasting cripple TV like podcasting is crippling terrestrial radio? What, exactly, do people want from a videocast that they can't get from a TV show? With podcasts it's all about niche - you can find a podcast about goldfish training if you want. (See here.)

Videocasting is moving in the same direction. Did you know there is a videocast about toenail art (here)? You certainly won't find that following Sixty Minutes (here) on the CBS line-up any time soon, I think. Do we really want to watch each other's home videos? Me, Me! I can answer that! I can answer that! (See here.)

Thanks for reading and, hey, let's be careful out there.

Two More Reasons to Update Your Blog

Late last night or early this morning I updated another blog and got a comment really, really fast. Of course it was unabashedly spam but, hey, if I hadn't updated the blog I wouldn't have gotten even the spam, right? Right. That goodness for spam or I'd have no email at all. So, here are two more reasons you should update your blog regularly.

2. The cost of gasoline is rising, the cost of airline tickets is rising, the frequency of full body searches just before you get on the plane is increasing, the cost of doing anything in the Real world is rising, so, hey, what have you got to lose? You can't go anywhere without spending a small fortune And pollute the environment And get frisked by Elmer the banjo player from Deliverance with the teeth missing, so why not Update your blog and see what happens. It's free, at least. At least for now.

1. Your reader (perhaps your mom, perhaps your dad, too, if your mom tells him about the update) will be happy. Maybe. Unless you're writing one of those Mommie-Dearest blogs where you drag all your family's dirty laundry through the blogosphere on the mistaken thought that it will make you feel better. It won't.

Bless you all and to all a healthy vegetarian raamen. Thank you and good night.

Two Reasons to Update Your Blog Regularly

Another quick blog post. What am I doing? Watching re-runs of Mayberry RFD and sipping Orange LeHi with my cousins sitting on a couch with no legs on the front porch or writing a blog about raamen and other assorted gooky things? Well, evidentally, I'm on the couch.

Let's see. Why should you update your blog regularly?

2. So you can remember from one year to the next what the heck you think you're blogging about! That's why! you lazy blog-fader!

1. So your favorite free blog-provider won't delete your blog because they went bankrupt 23 friggin' years ago and now in 2032 the heirs Want Their Money Back!!!

Thank you for listening.

Hisashi-buri

Hisashiburi. I just realized it has been nearly the gestation period of a human since my last post and I was in a quandry. Should I post now or wait another month so that I could speculate about the growth of a fetus and my latest post but then I came to the stark-raving realization that I shouldn't be writing about fetuses and food items in the same blog/paragraph/sentence.

Hisashiburi, by the way, is not a food item nor is it a raamen item. We have to make these distinctions, eh? Hisashiburi is how one would say "Hey, I haven't seen you in a age." If you were living in Japan or speaking Japanese to a Japanese person who you haven't seen in a age.
i.e. long time no see.

About raamen. Well, good news and bad news about raamen. One, I'm cutting down on my consumption of said food product because I'm leaning heavily to port. I mean, portly. I mean, veganism. I have found several vegetarian raamens and even two vegetarian raamen shops (in Tokyo. Kichijoji, to be more specific. Near Kichijoji station, in actual fact.) But I don't live in Tokyo so I won't be going to either of them, I suspect, in the near future.

Veganism - not for my health but for the health of the little critters that give up their lives so that I might have a double cheese with bacon burger that I forget about in a matter of minutes. Why should they have to live in creepy places and be slaughtered just for my momentary pleasure. I suppose if my pleasure were greater I wouldn't switch?Hard to say.

In any case, I'm going to say, "I'm not a vegan because I love animals, I hate vegetables" rather than say I'm a vegan because veganism upsets so many meat-eaters. I don't know why. Why do meateaters get so pissed off when they find out you don't eat meat? Guilt?

The bad news is I'm not going to be writing much about raamen anymore - please, please, keep your weeping, crying, and rending of clothing for later (as if hundreds of people are reading this dormant blog). The good news is... I'll still write. This is good news? I've written before? Yeah, like EIGHT MONTHS ago. What kind of writer writes once every eight months? A lazy one, that's for sure. We'll see. Mata ne. (Another Japanese linguistic unit. It means something but then, who wants to know what it means, eh?)

At last, a humourous vegan video instead of the usual sanctimonous crapola you get when google "not slaughtering mammals and masticating their dead flesh".



How long will it be before the amazon.com books on raamen change to vegan cookbooks?

Missles for Raamen

I ate at a raamen shop the other day that had the biggest piece of gristle this side of Norway. I mean, it was huge. It sort of sat in the bowl of dashi and raamen like the proverbial 800-gorilla: I couldn't ignore it. Fortunately, the soup and the noodles were good so I could try to ignore it. But in the end I failed. I had to flip it unceremoniously into an overstuffed ashtray. The ambience of the place was one of hand-made two by fours so that might've been a clue as to the gristle to a more enquirying mind. But not mine. All-in-all the quantity was good, the quality was okay, but the gristle on the pork just, hmmm, tipped me over the edge. No more gristle, please.

Speaking of messing up your day by pretending not to see an 800-pound gorilla, what do Israel and Hizbullah (this is the Christian Science Monitor's spelling, not mine) think they're going to accomplish by killing babies? Does it help that the titular leader of the free world doesn't think Israel should stop? This is the same leader who taunted terrorists with "Bring it on." Of course Israel should stop! Of course Hizbullah should stop! They're killing children here. Children! And babies. I can't believe That Leader doesn't see the dead babies. Is he as isolated as Kim Il Jong?

By the way, I heard an Iranian woman talking about the time frame that some Islamic mullahs and others think. She said the West, especially the temporary leaders, think in terms of five to ten minutes. Maybe a year. But the past is the past. History, Henry Ford said, is bunk. She said some mullahs and other Moslems think in terms of centuries. For example, X happened in 1427, so I can't talk to you because your ancestors were on the other side. History, she said, is very much alive for these people. So, will our great-great grandchildren be sending their grandchildren off to Iraq and Afghanistan to protect democracy?

Raamen for Peace

Moving Raamen and Missiles

First, let me say that I was going to flash a few quicktime movies on this site about raamen and raamen-ya I have been to. Wow: lights, movement, excitement. But then I found this site and videocast:

Zero-Raamen

Which has not only movies but is updated, according to the person who made it, everyday. Everyday! A new one to two minute movie of a different raamen EVERYDAY! My goodness, who wants to compete with that. Also, his or her website and the iTunes link to his videocast is in Japanese but the few movies I have watched have no spoken language; just music and some writing which isn't important. Check this place out if you're interested in raamen.

Second, North Korea. What can I say? They test fire a few Scuds and a ICBM that blows itself up a half dozen seconds into flight. Everyone's worried. Everyone's upset.

My question is, what do the people of North Korea want? From what I've seen, they want food. And maybe some education and decent housing. But mostly food. How does Kim justify spending billions on missiles when his own people don't have even noodles to eat? If Kim even knows his people are hungry (Is this kept from him while he lounges in his compound?), how does he justify their hunger? Is it for the good of the fatherland? Is the money diverted from food, medicine, clothing, and housing to missile construction a good thing in his mind?

Do you think it would be possible for the powers of the world to send more food to North Korea now that Kim has launched his missiles? Doesn't he realize that Japan, China, the US, and Russia have to "punish" him for his missiles?

Noodles for Nukes. A fair trade.

Concentration

In the last couple of weeks I've had a vegetable raamen at the same place twice. Both times the noodles were too soft and the vegetables overcooked. Plus, the TV was too loud and obnoxious. However, it was showing the news of the hour and being depressed by the murders and war fatalities took my mind off of the food. Which is a pity. I think when we are giving nourishment to our bodies we should concentrate on the project at hand rather than allow our minds to wander off in uncharted and unproductive side streams. In fact, if you will.... Perhaps we should concentrate always on what we are doing at the moment. Concentrate on the now, rather than dwell on the past or contemplate the future.

That doesn't mean we ignore the travesties brought on other people; we can't ignore the war dead or innocent people being murdered in the streets. We should do what we can to help all that we can. We should do what we can to help the end of a war (Peace isn't always bad, is it? I mean, blessed at the peacemakers? Isn't that a quote from some book?). No, we can concentrate all of our efforts supporting and nourishing those around us and hope, by a ripple effect, that others will help and help and eventually killing and wars will not be all diplomats and and murderers can think of.

Support the Prince of Peace

Life Recycling

This isn't to make people concerned or anything, but I think vegetarian raamen without a pork base is better for the world than a pork-based soup. Am I wrong here? There are a gazillion sources online (some true) that show how a lot of grain is used to feed pigs so we can eat the pigs. But, of course, the pig farmers add a lot of chemical junk to the pig's feed. If we eat the grain instead of the pig, we get the health benefits of the grain and skip the chemical junk. Of course the pig will have to die of old age after watching Arnold on "Green Acres" in his declining years, but doesn't that beat gathering all the chemical junk in our bodies? Just wondering.

Which brings me to this week's post: A vegetarian/vegetable raamen I had for about $4.00. It was okay in that it didn't have pig flesh, but the noodles had been cooked too long. The ambience of the raamen shop was pretty bleak, too. Industrial lighting and institutional seats (plastic). All together, not a good place to eat good food. If they could upgrade the ambience, boil the noodles a little less I think they'd have a winner. And it's near a university. A winner all around.

Simple Life/Simple Raamen

There's a new trend called 'slow life' creeping around Japan on little cat-like feet ready to pounce and the gist of the movement is that people should, as Joni Mitchell sang all those years ago, "get back to the garden." This has resulted in lots of people doing things themselves (Do it yourself-ers) and moving to more isolated places in Japan instead of slaving through the rat race in a concrete oven that's jam-packed with other race-ratters. (Is that a word?) One other result? More people more aware of what they eat and that, my friends, leads us to 'healthier' raamen. Yes, there is a trend away from your college-crowd snack food and back to food that doesn't required a chemistry degree to make. I.e. buckwheat noodles, water, homegrown veggies, and a little soup stock. You can be it takes a lot longer to make than the boil-water-three-minutes-uncover-consume raamen, but it's definitely better. And that has resulted in more raamen shops with 'healthy' raamen (trying to compete with the homegrown breed, I guess.)

Raamen: The Last Bastion of Homegrown Peace

Going Unilingual

Ate raamen the other day that left a bit to be desired. It felt old and grumpy, if you know what I mean. I won't mention the name of the place because a) you may never be in the area and b) finding a bad raamen shop is half the joy of finding good raamen shops.

One reason it felt old was that the shop only sold one kind of raamen, which is getting to be more common. In the last oh, five - six years raamen shops have been 'specializing' in a single type of raamen: miso, shio, or Hakata raamen for example. This is making for pretty boring shops. No variety.

America is tilting in that direction: uni- everything. One language, one religion, one political thought. I live in a country that is all that plus one basic ethnic group. It can be, and this is a warning America, extremely booooooooooring. Whenever I trip back to the States I enjoy the cacophony of languages and ideas. It feels vibrant and alive. It feels great. It feels like a symphony of the world! But if your less-than open-minded politicians have their way we will all be humming the same tune at the same time of the day. They will consider this a 'good' thing. I consider it the death of America.

If you don't want a boring raamen shop specializing in miso raamen, then you've got to encourage diversity where and when you can. I, personally, like my miso mixed up with my shio raamen bowls. My Hakata nestled next to my Sapporo. My TopRaamen snuggling upagainst the Nissin.

Keep the Raamen Open

VIR (Vegetarian Instant Raamen)

I didn't keep the package or take a picture of it, but I had vegetarian instant raamen the other night in the confines of my little abode deep in the darkest recesses of the night (when hunger strikes). It was delicious. Tasty. Sparkling with briming-over taste. I didn't read the instructions, of course, so I neglected to add extra, my-choice, vegies. Ah, well, all was not lost. The noodles were done right - not too soft - and the soup was just this side of spicy. Near spicy, I guess you'd have to call them. Like near-beer only better.

On the other, third, hand, I have learned how to play for hours and not accomplish much with Audacity, GarageBand, and iWeb, for those who enjoy bashing their heads against a wall for no apparent reason other than to ease the pain of learning. No, seriously, I managed to make a small audio file using Audacity and GarageBand and then I uploaded it nicely to iWeb. Can't find the damn file now, but, hey, what's a learning curve if you can't lose control, careen like a madman, and wrap your head around the proverbial telephone pole of life?

Build Peace Through Raamen

Wooden Raamen

Went to a nice place the other day that seats about 30 people but comfortably could probably seat 20. The seats, counter, walls, and bookshelves all looked hand-made. Nice little feeling to the place except for the smokers. If only one person smoked, the whole place ended up with a layer of smog. And a table of four were smoking so I ate with my head just below a thick layer of second-hand carcinogens. Delightful, and I mean that in the worst way.

The place was called Raamen All Japan. Of course it was written in Japanese. ラーメン全日本.

The noodles were done perfectly. I ordered miso (味噌) raamen with extra bean sprouts and I got a ton of bean sprouts. A lot. And the soup was good, too, and I'm not really a miso fan. So why did I order it? Couldn't tell ya, mate. Haven't got a clue. The food overall was good. If there are no smokers, I'd probably eat there again. On a scale of 1 - 10, maybe a 6 ~ 6.5 for the food and a 2 for the ambience so a total of 8.5 overall.

Only problem was the time. Raamen is a fast food for some folks. It took me about 15 minutes to get my food. One reason the smokers were smoking was they had nothing to do with their hands for 15 minutes so they automatically poppled a rolled up stick of tobacco in their face. Fifteen minutes! People eat raamen in less time than it took them to make it.

There was only one waitress and two cooks. That doesn't explain the time problem, though, as both cooks delivered the noodles. Hmm. Next time I go there I'll go after lunch and see if it's quicker. All I can say, thank goodness I bought an iPod Nano.

Seize the Raamen!
(That doesn't sound right.)